AIV recap, Finalists x 7 (04/18)

So, Bucky is finally gone. Again, nice guy, but I couldn’t understand a word he said or sang. It was like in “My Fair Lady” when Professor Higgins had Eliza talking with the marbles in her mouth. As a matter of fact, her thick Cockney accent didn’t sound much different than Bucky’s thick country accent.

Tonight’s show was American Standards, as coached by Rod Stewart. Isn’t it a bit odd that a Brit is showcasing American standards? Wouldn’t that be like an American being the best football (as in soccer) player in the world? Or an Englishman being the best football (this time America’s game) player in the world? Rod was okay as a coach. Probably more helpful than Queen or Kenny Rogers, but no way near as involved as Barry Manilow was.

Rod came in with his fiancée and their young son, Alistair. She looks like she’s still nursing. And Paula looked like she was nursing tonight too. What was up with that low cut blouse? Seriously, do I really need 43 year old cleavage invading my home through my television?

So a few weeks back, Simon made a comment about Ryan’s scraggly beard and Desperate Housewives. I thought it was a slight, with Simon calling him a Mike the Plummer wannabe. But then I found out that he was smooching Teri Hatcher. Who really wins in that one? I mean kudos for Teri (who’s 41 now) for bagging a younger guy (he’s 31). But then again, it’s Ryan Seacrest. And Teri used to be pretty hot, but that was like 10 years ago, circa Sidra (“yes they’re real. And they’re fabulous.”) on Seinfeld. And she and Dean Cain (yes, I know there are a ton of Dean Cain fans out there because he’s a quarter Japanese. FYI, his birth name was Dean Tanaka before being adopted by his step-father and his nickname is “Soup”) were quite an attractive couple on “Lois & Clark.” I guess I call it a push?

On to the contestants. I’m including their odds to win and also their odds to be eliminated next, compliments of Sportsbook.com

01 – Chris (What A Wonderful World) 7-5 to win, 35-1 next gone

Chris had an interesting outfit tonight. A vest, with a shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his biceps and an ascot. Yes, an ascot, like he was attending the races in “My Fair Lady.” What an eerie parallel to my opening comment on Bucky. I thought Chris looked like a mafia guy who was on the side of the road changing a flat tire. Imagine James Caan’s Sonny in “The Godfather.” But there’s no way Sonny would be caught in an ascot. Maybe Carlo Rizzi, but not Sonny. Randy said Chris slayed ‘em and that he showed his sensitive side. Paula said he is in it to win it. Simon called it a great performance and complimented himself for advising Chris to change his style a little. But really, wouldn’t it have been odd if he rocked out a standard? I think being bullheaded and not adapting to this particular genre would’ve really rubbed some people the wrong way. I guess there was a punk version of this song out there (Joey Ramone?) but since Live didn’t do it, I guess he didn’t have the inspiration. I thought his vocals were pretty good on this one and he wasn’t shouting like a rocker. I thought this was one of his better vocal performances. He’s safe. Guaranteed.

02 – Paris (These Foolish Things) 15-1 to win, 7-2 next gone

I’d be very surprised if Paris left us tomorrow night. She looked very classy tonight in her salmon suit and long straight hair. Quite a difference from her pole dance outfit last week. It’s funny because Kellie’s dominatrix outfit totally dulled the shock factor for Paris’ Pleasure Principle get up. This genre was perfect for Paris. Her voice suits this style. And she killed this song (in a good way). Randy called this her greatest night ever and that she was in tune on every note. Paula said it reminded her of her audition when they fell in love with her (she’s used that one before). Simon called it stylish. He called her bewildering because she talks like a mouse (which, of course, she gave her patented “thank you”) but sings like she does. Paris’ “thank you” is like fingernails on the chalkboard to me. It almost seems insincere because of the way she delivers it and when she delivers it. She says it after compliments and put downs. She shouldn’t be off tomorrow night, but honestly, I won’t be broken up if she is.

03 – Taylor (You Send Me) 5-2 to win, 35-1 next gone

I guess Saturday Night Live did a skit on him last weekend because that’s what they focused on in his pre-song interview. Taylor looked classy in his silver and black attire. I thought it was kinda boring at first, but then he totally brought it home like only Taylor can do. It’s like he wanted to dance, but then held off, but then couldn’t resist and did. There was a LaToya London sighting in the crowd. I wonder if she was still drunk from trying to do interviews during the final results show last year. Randy called it hot. Paula said Sam (Cooke) would be proud and his ending was superb. Simon thought it was a lame cabaret at first (I totally agree), but then magic. I thought it was typical Taylor. He’s got legions of fans. As cheesy as he can be, I like the guy.

04 – Elliott (It Had To Be You) 18-1 to win, 3-1 next gone

It would be a shame if he leaves tomorrow because he did a good job tonight. Again, this genre was right up his alley. I loved his SportsCenter inspired outfit. Black tux blazer, purple shirt. And jeans. The old joke about sportscasters is that they sometimes wear jeans, shorts or even boxers during their telecasts because you only see them from the torso up. If you ever have a chance to watch that old show “Sports Night,” I highly recommend it. I never watched it live, but I did ReplayTV it when it replayed on Comedy Central. It only lasted 2 seasons, but it was funny. They did a segment once where they were in their underwear because wardrobe didn’t have their pants and another with parkas and earmuffs on in between takes because there was no heat in the studio. Randy called it a good song choice. Paula like how he contemporized a genre like he was Harry Connick, Jr. Simon called it a good vocal but the performance lacked a degree of personality.

05 – Kellie (Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered) 5-1 to win, 15-1 next gone

Her pre-song stuff with Rod Stewart was classic. She said that she had the “words” just in case and he said “or the lyrics.” She didn’t catch his joke, even though anyone with an IQ higher than her shoe size would’ve. And then she thanked him for “taking a load off my chest” which elicited a laugh from Rod. Gotta love those mixed metaphors. Like Stevie Francis calling his team “the worst thing since sliced bread.” Kellie looked nice in her pink dress, but I thought the song was pretty boring. This song was on the soundtrack to “Simply Irresistible” which starred Sarah Michelle Gellar and Sean Patrick Flanery, who looks a lot like Michael Vartan (Alias and Never Been Kissed). Not a very good movie, but it had a nice throwback soundtrack. Randy said it got pitchy in the middle and was very rough. Paula had to give it up for the fashion. Loved her shoes (when she goes to the outfit first, it means it stunk). Said she loved the beginning, but then she got ahead of the music at the end. Simon called it a boring song. Honestly, Kellie was horrible tonight. She’s still probably safe though. If it was solely based on this week, she should be gone. But she hasn’t even been in the bottom 3 yet. She may fall to the bottom 3, but there is no way that she is gone tomorrow.

06 – Ace (That’s All) 60-1 to win, 2-3 next gone

At least I think that was Ace. With his hair slicked back he looked like the bad guy in The Karate Kid, Part III. Yes, I saw that movie. Yes, Ralph Macchio looked his age in this movie (28 at the time). And to top it off, this horrible movie didn’t stop the franchise. There was actually a The Next Karate Kid movie that “starred” Hilary Swank (and of course, the late Pat Morita). If you ever see a movie star you should go up to them and say “I loved you in …” and name a movie that they’d be embarrassed to be in. Hilary Swank has 2 Best Actress Academy Awards and I bet she’d love to hear, “I loved you in The Next Karate Kid.” Ace did clean up nice (although I’d bet most of the ladies think he’s just fine grungy) with the hair and suit. Randy liked that he sang the whole song in false (music term). Paula called him a whole new Ace and called it a magical night. Simon said it wasn’t bad. That compliment from Simon was probably Ace’s kiss of death. I can almost guarantee that he’ll be gone tomorrow now. I need to get my shots in on him before he leaves though. Is it me or does his brother that they keep showing look like a Cro-Magnon man? He may be the Missing Link. And someone said (I won’t mention who) that after seeing his bio with him being the youngest of 5 boys that Ace really was the girl that they always wanted. Wasn’t it weird that 3 of the brothers looked like Ace, had the long hair and the other 2 were blonde and had short hair? Like they weren’t even related.

07 – Katharine (Someone To Watch Over Me) 3-1 to win, 18-1 next gone

Katharine had a bunch of songs that she was going to do (I Only Have Eyes For You and The Way You Look Tonight), but settled on Someone To Watch Over Me. I think she would’ve done any of them well. I love The Way You Look Tonight, but the version on The Father Of The Bride soundtrack and not the one in My Best Friend’s Wedding. It was odd that she sang the song that she did because Mimi Rogers was in the audience and she was in the movie “Someone To Watch Over Me” with Tom Beringer. Mimi Rogers is an odd one. I think it was her that got Tom Cruise into Scientology. And what a nut job he’s turned out to be. Anyway, Katharine was wonderful tonight. She wore a nice, classy suit that made her look like a drug rep. You ever notice how she sticks her butt out when she stands though? Doesn’t really bother me that much, but it’s just an observation. Randy called this her element and loved her runs at the end. Paula called her elegant mentioned Mr. Holland’s Opus. That movie was wonderful. How cruel was it to have a music teacher have a deaf son? But it was touching. I’m not ashamed to say that I think I cried during that movie. I think Simon liked the performance because he said Katharine made the others look like good amateurs. I think that Katharine is building momentum in the competition. Maybe that bottom 2 was a wake up call to the voters. Ruben was once in the bottom 2 early in his competition, as was Bo Bice. Katharine was really good tonight.

So, I think, by process of elimination, that Elliott will be in the bottom 3 tomorrow. Taylor, Kellie and Chris have never been in the bottom 3 and Katharine is gaining support. That leaves, by default, Ace, Elliott and Paris. Performance-wise though, I think Kellie should be in the bottom 3. I think it’s bye bye Ace tomorrow night.